Cold War Feeling

Do you know what "Cold War" means? Well, the dictionary defines it as a state of rivalry and tension between nations. I learned that from my history class :) 

That word is very memorable to me and to Ms. P :) 

Ms. P is not just a close friend but also a sister. Everytime we're not in good terms, it means that we're in the middle of a "cold war". We call it " cold war" because we're cold to each other. There's a gap between us or awkwardness. 

We hate "cold war". That's why we have our campaign #NoToColdWarForever 

Sad to say, that there is something weird going on. I don't know what is happening right now. I can feel this cold war feeling between us. I don't have any idea if I did something wrong. I asked her though, but she said she's just tired. I don't know but, I'm not that convinced. 

For the whole day she didn't message me which is very unusual. I just wish that everything's fine and everything will be fine with God's help. 

This is not LOVE

Is it by chance? or someone's really making it happen to complicate my mind. 

Is it a special feeling? Or it's just something that I need to ignore? 

There's only one thing that I am sure of, It's not LOVE. 

I admire his Faith to God. I like how he gives importance to his duties. He is kind, he loves kids, he is dependable, he is loyal, he is sometimes weird and sometimes lazy :) 

He was once a big brother to me. He was once my friend, but everything changed when he became careless of his feeling. 

It's okay though :) I know it all happened because God let it to happen. But, one thing that's difficult for me to do is, I can't forget it. I can't get over it. It's hard because I know. It's hard because someone knows. It's hard because they know. 

That awkwardness between us is really disturbing me. The way the other people see us is really bothering me. I don't like it. I'm just pretending that I don't care. Pretending that everything's fine. Pretending that I can't see, I can't hear, I can't feel.... Numb. 

I know this is just a trap. With God's help and mercy, I'll fight this feeling :) I won't let anyone replace my first love. Most of all, I don't want him to be the instrument to ruin my promise to God. I don't want myself either to distruct him from doing his duties. 

May God be with us :) 

Love that needs to be Sacrifice

Do you know the feeling of letting go of the person you used to be so close before? The person who used to be with you in times of sadness. The person who laughs with you in times of joy and happiness. The person who shares good memories with you to treasure forever. The person who used to be your closest friend that later on became a stranger...

My message for that person is, I never regret that I met you. I never regret that I found you. What I'm regreting is that I loved you. I will say the most common "dialogue" that most of the people say when it is too late for them to change everything, "If only I can bring back the time but I can't." You're the best friend one could have and I'm too dumb to let you go. But one thing I would like to make you understand, I'm not doing this because I want to, I'm doing this because it's needed and it's the right thing to do. You know from the start how much you mean to
me, but you also know from the start that I'm willing to sacrifice everything just for HIM. I admit I'm now suffering from sadness and pain because of losing you, but I know this is just permanent. I believe that time will come I will be fine. I'd rather choose to lose you and suffer a short term of pain, than losing my God and will be going to suffer an incomplete and dark life. They say that life si reality and not a fairytale. It does not always have a happy ending. But for me life is a fairytale when you have your God, because a person with God will surelly have a happy ending that will last forever.

Even though I decided to put a gap between us, but I just want to tell you that you're always remembered. I'm just hoping that when time comes that our roads will be going to cross again, we will be both saying that,"Thank God we made It". Maybe we just need to give the both of us a time to just forget everything and start again as Best of Friends..

It's All About my Past, my Failures, and who am I Today

Others might see me as a strong and a positive person, but the truth is i'm not. I had suffered so many trials, so many consequences, and so many pain. I tried my best to fight and endure everything. I tried my best to walk on the right path and follow God's command. Suddenly, everything turned down, my dumbness and weaknesses led me to walk into the path of darkness. I was blinded and had broke my promises to him. I thought I'm strong enough to walk on my own but I'm not. The words of righteosness that changed my entire being was forgotten. That was the worst nightmare I ever had. In spite of what had happened, I still called HIS name and asked for HIS mercy. I asked HIM to wake me up and to help me to start again. I know I am worthless, I'm nothing without HIM, that's why in times of trouble i know that He was the only one that I could look up to. I didn't lose hope even if sometimes I tend to judge myself, but still I felt his presence. God never fails me, my prayers were heared. He offered his hand and lent me strength. He helped me to walk again and gave me light. Here I am today, serving Him with all my heart, with all my being and soul. I'm still afraid that time will come I'm going to fail again and walk into a wrong path. But the fact of having Him by my side gives me courage to go on. I had learned that failures were given to us not to weaken us but instead to make us strong. Everything that happened to me taught me how good our God is.

Thank You Lord for always being there when I need YOU!