This is not LOVE

Is it by chance? or someone's really making it happen to complicate my mind. 

Is it a special feeling? Or it's just something that I need to ignore? 

There's only one thing that I am sure of, It's not LOVE. 

I admire his Faith to God. I like how he gives importance to his duties. He is kind, he loves kids, he is dependable, he is loyal, he is sometimes weird and sometimes lazy :) 

He was once a big brother to me. He was once my friend, but everything changed when he became careless of his feeling. 

It's okay though :) I know it all happened because God let it to happen. But, one thing that's difficult for me to do is, I can't forget it. I can't get over it. It's hard because I know. It's hard because someone knows. It's hard because they know. 

That awkwardness between us is really disturbing me. The way the other people see us is really bothering me. I don't like it. I'm just pretending that I don't care. Pretending that everything's fine. Pretending that I can't see, I can't hear, I can't feel.... Numb. 

I know this is just a trap. With God's help and mercy, I'll fight this feeling :) I won't let anyone replace my first love. Most of all, I don't want him to be the instrument to ruin my promise to God. I don't want myself either to distruct him from doing his duties. 

May God be with us :)